so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
