Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize