STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
