Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize