We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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