I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
