obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
