He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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