That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
