I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
