you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize