i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
