Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
