Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
people are starting to question the shark bite story
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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