If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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