Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
