Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize