Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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