too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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