he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize