Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize