Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
