Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
