I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
