I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
