I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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