jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize