did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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