you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
jump out the window naked night went bad
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
