if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
