No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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