Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
