seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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