would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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