would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize