good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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