There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
