I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize