Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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