Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
