you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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