I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
