Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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