Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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