oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
