I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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