I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
