He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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