Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
