Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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