haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well I just put wine in my tea
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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