I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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