my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
