i barfeds in our rink
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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