I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
