If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
