70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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