I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
did i walk over a car last night?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
