benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
