I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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