So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
