just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
