Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
