HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
