I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize