I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
