Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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