Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
