So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
