the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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