I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
