just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
