Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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