I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
