sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish I only lived at night.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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