How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
