She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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