I'm lost and stupid without you.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
