Where did you get a picture of my penis
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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