Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
