I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
