I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
im on a boat
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