Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
