I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
