On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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