...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
