I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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