I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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