yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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