I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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