maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
