So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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