2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
