I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
