quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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