Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
