you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
