my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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