he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
