maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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