she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
