Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize