So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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